the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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