Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
