He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
