He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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