even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
