i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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