He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
