Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
just tell him i said nine months
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
