hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
