i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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