ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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