Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
