Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
