Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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