physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
