The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
