Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
