Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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