I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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