Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
