I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Acid is not a monday night drug
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
