So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
