Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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