The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just had sex bonerless
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
