If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
