I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
