I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
