haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
