I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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