There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
