I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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