Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
