I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
