You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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