Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
