i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
