This girl is more easily done than said...
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
