At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
