Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
