I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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