If that was your dad, he is hot
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
