shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
