Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
