I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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