That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
