The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
