I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
