I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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