'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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