Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
