she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
