My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
