We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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