Betty ford says i'm here all night
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
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He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
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Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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