i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
