What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
