Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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