I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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