You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
