Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
