you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
