I wanna bring you to show and tell
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
