I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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