Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
