So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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