the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
