Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
